


Enough

by angvlicmish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Celebrity!Dean, Fluff, M/M, actor!dean - Freeform, past relationship, teacher!Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 12:09:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8055757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angvlicmish/pseuds/angvlicmish
Summary: Dean is a celebrity and Castiel is just plain, old Castiel.





	Enough

**December 2015**

Castiel grins as he watches all of his tiny nieces and nephews rip into the Christmas presents that are - were - neatly stacked under the tree. He’s always enjoyed coming together with his family at Christmas but this year isn’t quite the same. Because this year Dean isn’t by his side, ready to whisk him away from the long and tiresome talks with his cousins and other extended family.

Not that it’s Dean’s fault. Castiel was the one who couldn’t handle the pressure of their relationship. It’s not Dean’s fault that he’s a handsome and kind celebrity loved by millions and Castiel is just…plain, boring, unattractive Castiel. He just wasn’t enough. And after everything Dean did for him. Like coming out to the entire world wasn’t enough to prove how much he cared about Castiel.

So, to show his thanks, within a month of their relationship going public Castiel breaks and runs out on Dean with no explanation. Castiel tries to forget it, to put it behind him, but how could he possibly do that when Dean’s absolutely everywhere. On posters, on television, on the radio and not to mention he when it first happened he had to put up with questions from his students as to why they broke up, who did it, are you going to get back together and to be honest it was driving him crazy. 

But it’s been half a year now, so it’s old new really.

A small nudge on his arm finally grasps his attention and he turns his head to see his Grandma standing beside him.

“So, how have you been, Cassie darling?” she asks, quietly. Castiel sighs.

“Uh, pretty busy, actually,” he says, sliding a hand through his thick, dark hair, “my students have just finished some end of year exams so marking those is taking me a while.” Castiel watches as she nods along before her mouth curls into a small smile.

“And Dean? How’s he been?” Castiel’s mouth tastes sour all of a sudden. Great. Another reminder. “Didn’t see him tonight. Is he doing some important acting stuff?” 

Castiel huffs. “Yes, probably. I don’t really know. I mean, we sort of broke up a quite a few months ago. Didn’t you know?” he finishes, watching the smile on his Grandma’s face turn into a frown.

“Oh I’m so sorry to hear that. And no, I didn’t know, I’m not really up with what’s going on in “pop culture” as all you kids are these days. You know, you should give your Gran a call every once in a while. I love hearing from you.” she says, making Castiel smile.

“I will, Gran.“ he replies, his smile falling at the thought of the last time Dean had called him. It was Castiel’s birthday. And Castiel didn’t pick up the phone. He just sat beside it and listened to Dean’s voice cracking and tried not to let his tears spill over. Suddenly there is a hand under his chin and he’s being lightly pulled around to see his Gran with a soft look on her face.

“Don’t worry about him, darling. He’s the one missing out on my perfect little Cassie. I promise.” 

**July 2015**

Dean smiles. Today was a good day and he knows that tonight will be even better. It’s a Friday afternoon and Dean’s driving home after a good time on set and then a quick stop to get some good burgers from Cas’ favourite diner. 

Dean can picture the whole evening.  
Eating out on the porch, then snuggling up on the couch to binge watch something on Netflix and then last but not least a little skin on skin action before they both doze off into the late hours of Saturday morning. Yeah, that’s enough to make this ordinary day perfect.

Everything is…well, good. Dean quickly pulls up to their gate, typing in a few digits and then making his way up the driveway to park his Baby safely in the garage. Cas’ car isn’t there. He must’ve gone out to get a few things from the shops.

Dean grabs the food and wanders into their house, placing the burgers on the kitchen bench. He flips through some of their mail before turning to get a beer when he sees a letter taped to the fridge. Maybe Cas had a family emergency and had to leave.

Dean peels it off and begins to read.

_Dean,  
I’m sorry it has to be this way but I can’t be with you anymore. It just isn’t working out the way I thought it would._

Dean’s mind starts to race and his eyes start to blur. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. Cas is going to walk in through their door and kiss him on the cheek and tell him that Gabriel is just playing a big prank on him. Dean wipes at his eyes and continues to read, a mantra of ‘no, no, no’ playing over and over in his head. 

_Just know that you didn’t do anything wrong and you certainly didn’t do anything to force my hand in this decision. I am sorry that this letter doesn’t give you the answers you want but it’s not something a believe you would understand. Once again, I’m sorry for everything. I wish you the best for your future. I love you._

_Castiel_

Dean sinks to his knees.

**September 2015**

It’s probably not a good idea. But Dean’s half way drunk so now it is. The phone rings and rings and rings. Dean waits, an empty bottle in his hand. No answer. Dean sighs, waits one minutes and tries again. No answer. He waits two minutes, his patience wearing thin. No answer. Fuck it.

“Hey Cas.” Dean breathes out, his voice already shaking. God, he’s so pathetic. “Happy birthday. Still haven’t aged since we first met.” Dean chuckles lightly to himself, his eyes starting to sting. 

“Well, at least since I last saw you…” The first of many tears rolls slowly down his cheek. “Anyways…I just hope you get this message. I mean I’ve tried to call and text a million times but you…ya know, never seem to be on the other end.”

Dean takes another deep, shaky breath, more tears flowing down his cheeks. “I sorta just wanna know how you’re doing, but I guess you don’t really want me to know.” Dean pauses for a long moment, wandering whether he should say it or not. Maybe it’s because he’s nearly drunk or maybe it’s because he just wants Cas to call him back, he decides to say it. 

“I love you.” Dean says, voice cracking in the middle. The voicemail ends.

The selfish part of him wants to keep trying to call Cas over and over until he finally picks up, until he finally gives Dean answers. But part of him knows that if he hasn’t picked up by now, then he may not pick up at all. Maybe Dean just isn’t good enough for Cas. Maybe he’s not worth the effort.

Dean doesn’t ring Cas again for a very long time.

**January 2016**

It’s the 24th. Dean’s birthday. Castiel nearly rang him up this morning and left him a message just like Dean did for him but he knows that if he did then it would be unfair for Dean. Castiel needs to erase every part of himself from Dean’s life. That’s the only way for Dean to forget about him and move on. Although Castiel can’t help thinking that he probably already has. 

Castiel’s tried to stay distracted the whole day. Luckily for him it’s a Saturday so he was able to sleep in for as long as he wanted. He then decided to clean his entire house which proved to be very effective as it took up most of the day. It’s now 8pm and he’s finally finished, resigned to his couch to watch Netflix.

Suddenly there’s a knock at the door, which only reminds him that he has to fix the doorbell. Great. He sighs before pulling himself up and walking over to the door. He brushes a hair through his hair as he opens the door to greet whoever thought it was a good idea to show up on such an awful day. 

Castiel’s stomach drops.

“Dean?” 

“Hey, Cas.” Dean replies quietly. He looks the nearly the exact same since Castiel last saw him in person. The only difference though is he looks…sadder. His eyes seem dull compared to the piercing green that Castiel remembers. His smile is soft but it doesn’t reach any other features on his face. It doesn’t sit well in Castiel’s stomach. Dean should be happy. It’s what he deserves to be.

“What are you doing here?” Cas asks, nervously shifting from foot to foot.

“Gee, Cas. No happy birthday? I didn’t think you were that cold hearted.” Dean replies, bitterly. Castiel doesn’t know how to respond. So he just ducks his head and tries not to feel too humiliated. 

“Why are you here?” Castiel mumbles softly, keeping his eyes trained on the ground. Dean huffs.

“Why do you think I’m here? I’m here for answers. Don’t you think I’ve waited long enough?” Dean says, throwing his arms out wide. Castiel finally glances back up only to see Dean’s jaw clenched tight and his eyes hard and desperate.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Dean. It just wasn’t working out.” Castiel says, biting his lip to try and hold in all the things he wants to say.

“No fucking kidding, Cas! I’m not here for that bullshit, okay? I’m here so you can tell me where I went wrong because I don’t have a fucking clue. I mean, was I just not good enough for you, Cas?"

Castiel’s breath stutters and his eyes go wide. 

“What? No, of course not! How could you possibly think that?” Castiel can feel his chest constricting beneath him. This was never supposed to happen. Dean was never supposed to think that. 

A short, hysterical laugh is punched out of Dean. “How could I not, Cas? You practically just bolted out on me without even saying a word. So, yeah, Cas. That’s all I’ve been thinking about.” 

The guilt that Castiel has tried so hard to bury, floods him all over again. “I tried to call and text you a thousand times but you never responded. So all I got is a piece of shit note and a one sided break up that has ‘I fucked up’ written all over it. But I stayed away from you too long and now I need the truth, Cas. Because I’m fucking tired of always thinking that there was something I could’ve done to make you stay. So, please.” 

A few moments pass in silence as Castiel’s mind races and it seems as though Dean is ready to give up but before he can turn and walk away, Castiel is speaking.

“You weren’t the one who wasn’t enough.” 

And then Castiel’s throat closes up. He squeezes his eyes shut because it hurts to say it. It hurts to say it out loud to the absolute love of your life. To the one person who he wasn’t enough for.

“What are you talking about?” Dean asks, as soft as a whisper, and suddenly there are fingers grazing over the side of his cheek. His eyes flick open to find that Dean has stepped closer, tilting his head down slightly so he can catch Castiel’s eyes.

“It’s just - it’s just that you’re an amazing, beautiful and talented guy whom literally millions of people would throw themselves at and then there’s me. A - a socially inept, awkward and a dorky looking guy who just somehow lucked my way into a relationship with you and it’s not fair to you.” Castiel’s rambling now, his eyes focused on the ground again and he misses the way Dean’s eyes go wide and his mouth slightly parts, looking at Castiel like he’s crazy.

“You deserve so much more than me because I’m - I’m - I’m nothing.” Castiel’s voice cracks over the word ‘nothing’. All those thoughts that he’d tried to leave behind him with Dean, resurfacing again and tearing through him. Tears slip down his cheeks over and over and he can’t make them stop. His whole body shakes and he feels like he’s going to fall.

But before his knees can give way, two solid arms are slipping around his waist, pulling him close so that he can’t fall.

Castiel gives in to the warmth, clinging onto the front of Dean’s jacket as hard as he can and nuzzling his face into the side of Dean’s neck. When Castiel starts to calm down he realises that Dean still hasn’t said anything. It makes him anxious. What if Dean does agree with him? 

But before his thoughts can get too far, the pulling in his chest is soothed by the hand that comes up to tangle in his hair. He immediately relaxes back into Dean’s chest but it also reminds him of how much he has missed this. The simple intimacy that he used to share with Dean was one of the many things about the man that Castiel craved the most. His touch was always so careful, so gentle.

Suddenly, he feels Dean’s lips brush against his ear, sending a shiver down his spine. 

“I want you to listen to me, Cas. Can you do that?” he whispers, softly and Castiel nods his head slightly against Dean’s chest. “Good, because what you just said to me - all of that was complete and utter bullshit. You are not nothing. You are - fuck - you are everything. You’re my everything and yeah, you might be socially inept and awkward and look like a friggin dork but that’s why I love you,  
Cas."

Castiel’s eyes sting again and he somehow finds himself nuzzling impossibly closer to Dean. Castiel’s gone so long without those words. And for some reason this time it feels like the first time. Because Castiel is here, stripped bare for all to see and Dean still loves him.

“And it kills me inside to know that you feel like that but I swear if you give me another chance, I’ll let you know how much you mean to me because if anyone deserves better, it’s you. So, please, Cas. I need you.”

Castiel’s entire body is screaming at him to just let him go. That he’s wrong and Dean would be better off without him.

But Dean’s breath is warm against the side of Castiel’s jaw, and his every touch feels more and more like home.

So, Castiel pulls away slightly, looking into Dean’s soft, pleading eyes just once before leaning forward to press their lips together. By the feel of Dean smiling against him, Castiel knows Dean understands his answer.

**December 2016**

“Oh and Alfie’s also started playing baseball. One day he just picked up a bat and the next day he was the star of the team and you know what else? Alfie is even doing…”

Castiel nods along and gives the occasional “hmm” as his aunt Naomi rambles on and on about how amazing her son is. He should try and pay more attention because it’s not like he has to listen to this every year - oh, wait.

“…and he’s just such a gentleman compared to other boys these days -”  
A loud clearing of the throat cuts off his aunt mid sentence and Castiel immediately smiles in relief. 

“Excuse me? Can I just whisk him away for a sec?” Dean asks, slipping a hand around Castiel’s waist.

“Oh - ah - of course.” Naomi replies, with a large smile. Dean’s charm never ceases to fail and as quickly as possible Castiel’s being dragged away and pushed into a secluded, dark corner. 

Dean’s lips are on his in a second, their noses bumping together clumsily. 

“So, do you think I waited long enough?” 

“To be quite honest, I think you waited too long.” Castiel huffs, earning himself a chuckle from Dean.

“Well, to be quite honest, I think we should get out of here.” Dean says, biting his lip and letting his eyes roam over Castiel.

“Oh sure, because that wouldn’t be suspicious.” Castiel retorts, rolling his eyes. 

“But you just look so irresistible in your stupid, ugly, Christmas sweater.” Dean whines. Castiel snorts. No one would ever peg Dean for being a whiner when he can’t get what he wants.

“How about this. One more hour and then we can go home and you can do what ever you want with my stupid, ugly Christmas sweater.” 

Dean huffs. “Fine. But it’s not my fault if my hand slips and I accidentally grope you in front of everyone.” 

Castiel chuckles, grabbing Dean’s hand and leading him back over to where the rest of his family is talking. 

It’s only when Castiel is emerged in another, frankly boring conversation that he notices someone looking at him out of the corner of his eye. He turns his head and there, with a great big smile on her face is his Gran. 

She nods down towards where Castiel and Dean’s hands are still tangled together and then raises her glass. 

Castiel can’t help but smile. He loves Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](http://angvlicmish.tumblr.com)


End file.
